Various matters

[alt_umbridge]

I am deeply disappointed in the actions of Mr Linus Moon and Miss Lavender Brown. Both have been removed as members of the Hogwarts Junior Council, and I am reviewing whether either of them should have additional punishment beyond that already applied.

Now, dear boys and girls, I so deeply appreciate those of you who gave me such thorough and detailed accountings of your holidays. Mr Diggory and Miss Pennifold set good examples, while Mr Finnigan, Miss Calderwood, Miss Robins, and Miss Rohani turned in truly exemplary reports. Mr Fred and George Weasley, I was quite surprised by your attention to detail - I wonder if you might encourage your brother and sister to do better. (Mr Ron Weasley, I expect to see you in my office at 4pm.)

Miss Lovegood, Mr Malfoy, Mr Marks, McLaggen, Mr Montague, Miss Postlethwaite - kindly plan to come see me at your earliest opportunity about your submissions. Also Miss Jones. Mr Crabbe and Mr Goyle, please come see me on Thursday at 1pm to discuss your deplorable writing ability.

I will be following up with those of you - including staff - who did not make a thorough report, as I review each and every essay. Naturally, this may take a couple of days, as I am just so very busy with all manner of other tasks. And I do see that some of you spent quite a lot of time together, and I do want to compare what you said about it. No detail is too small, dear children, to be important.

I remind you that we do have tutors in attendance (kindly report them immediately to the HJC members on duty should you see any unexpected or inappropriate behaviour), and that each and every one of you is expected to follow all my teensy rules and regulations, or there will indeed be consequences. I also remind those of you with locked items that it is imperative you be ready at your assigned time, or I will be forced to assume you do, in fact, have something to hide that requires correction and instruction.

Comments

Private message to Lavender Brown

[alt_umbridge]

Miss Brown, I want to say again how particularly disappointed I am in you. Now, it is a fact that men - young and not so young - can forget themselves and lead innocent and untainted women astray.

But it is your duty, my dear, to resist that temptation, to hold true and strong to what you know is right and proper. Now, I think back to your first year, and how dear Parvati Patil was blessed and honoured to lure the unicorn to her, through her tender and delicate purity.

Ask yourself, dear, how much better it would be to preserve that selflessness and continence in yourself, to be a beacon shining to others of the right and best way to behave. You have been misled, but you might yet redeem yourself, were you to truly apply yourself to mending your ways. Professor Carpenter speaks so very highly of you, too, and I would hate for her to be disappointed by your little flaws.

Now, if you are willing and ready to renounce your foolishness completely, and to work entirely with me to allow me to shape you to better ends, we might be able to arrange for you to rejoin the HJC next fall. Perhaps.

Private message to Antonin Dolohov

[alt_umbridge]

Antonin -

I did not receive any summary at all of your weeks at holiday from you. I’m sure it was some teensy oversight.

I would be glad to give you an additional day or two to reply, if time were the consideration. You have said before that you are sometimes quite occupied with other - quite mysterious - tasks. Surely you must understand that the more information I have, the better I can manage the various matters of the school.

Private message to Aurora Sinistra

[alt_umbridge]

Now, Sizzie, dear, of course I reviewed your submission of how you spent your holidays first thing this morning, and I notice you did not include rather a lot of terribly important details.

Where, precisely, were you staying? And surely you must realise I need far more specific information about your activities. With whom did you have supper? Or tea? What did you discuss? In detail, please. I trust I needn't be more pointed about the implications if you are not forthcoming, dear.

I must know far more than you shared, really.

Private message to Josiah Peakes and Latimer Caldwell

[alt_umbridge]

Gentlemen -

Honestly, I am so very frustrated, not only by the students, but by the staff. I do ask you, what would it take to find staff like dear Gwennie and Cordie? It is a subject I would like to devote a great deal of attention to this summer, among the other necessary tasks. I don’t suppose you both could begin to develop a list of suitable replacement candidates to be considered?

I do not suppose we can budge Antonin unless Our Lord has other duties for him, but we must replace Defence at the least. On the others, I would like very much to find someone more obliging for Astronomy (for all Sizzie’s infuriating Guild insists there isn’t a suitable alternative) and it would be as well to have a backup ready for Artithmancy and Runes - Septie has been most unpredictable recently.

Perhaps Potions as well: Horace has gotten very set in his ways, and perhaps a younger and more flexible mind might come round to our new and modern practices far more easily. And Transfiguration, well. Surely we could do better than a foreigner who persists in giving no hint of his real loyalties or goals.

On that note, I was reminded that the past methods for managing the YPL counsellors and the CCF simply won’t do. I’ve had a discussion with a few of the committee, as well as the oversight board, and I am determined to simply make a selection from among those best suited. For the CCF, of course, I would allow them to go through the trial process (so deeply informative, some of those Ministry tests and questions) but we could start with a far more deliberately selected group than Sizzie allowed in. Breeding will out, honestly.

[alt_sirius]

Madam Umbridge, are you planning to start a gossip column in the Prophet? The Hogwarts Beat, perhaps? Surely that can be the only reason you insist on invading every possible pore of the lives within the castle.

I can't imagine you ran the Ministry with this level of microscopic focus. Haven't you realised by now that the more you attempt to tighten your grip, which is already well beyond the unreasonable and into the deplorably nosy, the less your charges will trust you?

I wish I had any idea what your ultimate goal could be. It can't be to close the school altogether? Or is Hogwarts to become nothing more than a sham in which your favoured few are systematically brainwashed and penalised into becoming little pink clones of yourself? While the ones you clearly despise are systematically tortured until you can excuse packing them away to the camps, presumably.

But perhaps it gives you too much credit to suggest a plan, and a Final Solution to which you are the sole arbiter of who is and is not worthy. (Funny, we can think of someone else who thinks it's his business to decide that kind of thing, can't we?) Perhaps you're just the most meddlesome busy-body and prig ever known to the Wizarding World.

Madam, you are so far out of line it's a wonder you're still alive.

Private Message to Dolores Umbridge and Latimer Caldwell

[alt_lucius]

Have only a few moments between luncheon and other meetings so shall make this brief:

Madam, what in Mordred's name do you mean with all these intrusions? Just what do you think you are doing?

Our Lord may have His reasons for not incinerating you into a pile of pink dust but do not think His tolerance has not been tested, nor that it is unceasing. Particularly when it stirs the responses of a certain blight on our doorsteps.

Do not force me to pay you a personal visit. You would not be best pleased with the results.