Dolores Umbridge

DOLORES UMBRIDGE stays in a plate until someone remembers she is, and that really, she should be tried. She is not any more pleasant when unplated, but at least she's a type of problem that has a known solution by that point. She makes a very good high-profile case of someone who did great damage under the Protectorate, so at least she's useful for something in the end.

First, I am delighted to announce that progress on the Memorial Garden is proceeding adequately enough. We shall all gather together on Sunday, May 12th, for a formal programme dedicating the space to the memory of those members of Our Lord’s Council who have given their lives to his work. We have a number of teensy details to arrange between now and then: if you are interested in being on the programme committee, please tell me within the next two days.

Second, I remind you that we will again be having a formal supper on Saturday. I believe you will be delighted by our speaker, and that we will not have the interruptions and difficulties of our first attempt.

Since I have had dozens of questions regarding our new forms, allow me to lay it out in more detail. Each day, you are expected to fill out form A111-B, which outlines your daily schedule. Should something cause you to deviate from scheduled appointments (which is to say, attendance at class, a meeting with a member of staff, YPL exercise sessions, scheduled detentions, and so forth), you are then required to fill out form V928-A, and to have any other parties with due authority to do so (members of the HJC, and yes, I suppose, members of staff) complete form V932-B.

If you miss a meal, for any reason whatsoever, you are expected to complete form M265-B, M265-L, or M265-S (depending on which meal), If you are present at a meal, but do not for some reason eat at that meal (most wasteful), then you must complete form M373-B, M373-L, or M373-S.

At the end of each week - which is to say, Sunday, you fill out forms A231-A (schedule grid) and A231-D (narrative explanation). For those of you requiring Healer Kerr’s assistance, there is a pamphlet in his waiting area describing the necessary forms. Should staff require you to serve a detention, they have now been informed about the necessary documentation as well.

I trust this is clear? Further questions may be addressed to member of the HJC, who have again been fully briefed.

Dear boys and girls,

We have just so very much to do today. After the discombobulations of last night, I require each and every one of you to fill out a copy of form L326-P, indicating where you were between 7 and 10 o’clock last night. Forms have been placed in your common rooms, and should be returned before supper.

Now, no matter what, I expect all of you to be ready and prepared at your assigned times for tonight’s supper, and not to tempt my patience and forbearance any further.

I have a few teensy notes below, as well, for other parties.

Dear children,

As you move forward into adulthood and the larger world, it is just so very important that you be aware of social graces and proper etiquette. To that end, supper tomorrow (Saturday) will be a time for us to practice these skills and behaviours, in the proudest traditions of wizarding society.

Halfblood students should present themselves at 4pm to the Great Hall, wearing school robes from which all house insignia have been removed. You will be instructed on proper service technique by myself and Madam Hooch. You will be allowed to eat at the conclusion of the evening.

Pureblood students, you will receive a printed invitation (placed on each of your beds this afternoon). Kindly present your invitation on arrival at the Great Hall at 5pm and you will be shown to your assigned place. You are to wear formal robes, and otherwise be appropriate in demeanor and action. (I hope I need not make it clear that anyone failing at these things will receive prompt correction and be required to behave appropriately thenceforth.)

Staff, kindly present yourselves in the anteroom off the entrance hall promptly at 5pm, in dress robes. We will review a few teensy points, and then process in once all students are seated.

During the meal, members of the HJC and other chosen students will encourage socially appropriate conversation. Following the meal, we will have a brief presentation and reading from Mr Xavier Marchbanks, who has written the forthcoming Of Greatness Woven: Pivotal Moments in Wizarding History. Your diligent attention is naturally required.

At that point, pureblood students will be dismissed, while halfblood students will remain, tend to some last details, and then have the opportunity to eat.

I am deeply disappointed in the actions of Mr Linus Moon and Miss Lavender Brown. Both have been removed as members of the Hogwarts Junior Council, and I am reviewing whether either of them should have additional punishment beyond that already applied.

Now, dear boys and girls, I so deeply appreciate those of you who gave me such thorough and detailed accountings of your holidays. Mr Diggory and Miss Pennifold set good examples, while Mr Finnigan, Miss Calderwood, Miss Robins, and Miss Rohani turned in truly exemplary reports. Mr Fred and George Weasley, I was quite surprised by your attention to detail - I wonder if you might encourage your brother and sister to do better. (Mr Ron Weasley, I expect to see you in my office at 4pm.)

Miss Lovegood, Mr Malfoy, Mr Marks, McLaggen, Mr Montague, Miss Postlethwaite - kindly plan to come see me at your earliest opportunity about your submissions. Also Miss Jones. Mr Crabbe and Mr Goyle, please come see me on Thursday at 1pm to discuss your deplorable writing ability.

I will be following up with those of you - including staff - who did not make a thorough report, as I review each and every essay. Naturally, this may take a couple of days, as I am just so very busy with all manner of other tasks. And I do see that some of you spent quite a lot of time together, and I do want to compare what you said about it. No detail is too small, dear children, to be important.

I remind you that we do have tutors in attendance (kindly report them immediately to the HJC members on duty should you see any unexpected or inappropriate behaviour), and that each and every one of you is expected to follow all my teensy rules and regulations, or there will indeed be consequences. I also remind those of you with locked items that it is imperative you be ready at your assigned time, or I will be forced to assume you do, in fact, have something to hide that requires correction and instruction.

Gentlemen -

Why does the world not bend to our will? Honestly, you would think that no one else at all had a brain in their heads, nor used it. Incompetents, imbeciles, idiots, all.

First, Latimer, I have had more than a few owls pestering me for assistance in finding a certified tutor, and I am sending them all to that Delphinia - oh, what's her name, in your department. Do come up with some form letter, even if you can't resolve the process further. It is taking up time I should use for far more important matters.

On that note, the Ministry still stubbornly refuses to budge on the matter of the private messages, no matter what evidence I provide that it is fundamental, necessary, and essential that I be able to act myself on the smallest sign of inappropriate behaviour. Selwyn's aide was utterly resistant to every persuasion I tried (and me, with the award, four times running, for best launch of a new Ministry initiative.) When I have more overt power once again, he will regret that.

I do not intend to let the matter drop, mind you, but I need more incidents like the Fleets to make my case.

On that note, I made a full and thorough search of the staff rooms, though again, regrettably without immediate result. Most of them are disturbingly similar, focused on their own trifling interests, almost as if one made a line of duplicate potions with only minor variations in colour. Pomona, Bathsheba, Septima - all about their fields, nothing else.

Horace's rooms were somewhat more interesting, all the past students he's kept up with. I do wish he were being more sensible, but I'm simply sure he'll come round to my way of thinking again properly after the holidays. I'm right, of course, about the proper direction for the school.

I didn't bother with dear Gwendolyn's or Rolanda's, of course - I trust their loyalty utterly. Nor, as you insisted, Marston, with Antonin or Rabastan's, even though I am quite certain, I know in my heart of hearts, that the latter would surely have revealed some true infamy one might use against him. Where there's a cauldron, there must be magic, as my father used to say.

Aurora's were - goodness, the woman is prone to frippery. An absurd number of books, and a number of entirely sentimental pieces (can you imagine, a woman her age keeping an old stuffed bear, even on a high shelf?) Quite informative, though, to know that she might have that many weak points - I had not realised she took the gossip papers (deplorable habit) or set such stock by her appearance as her wardrobe suggested. I shall set dear Gwendolyn on some of that, I think.

And alas, neither Mina nor that Brutka gave me much to work with, either. I really had hoped that his rooms, at least, might give me some hint, as he's entirely too enigmatic for my tastes. You'd think the man had never had an honest conversation in his life.

And somewhere in the process, I seem to have stumbled into some idiotic charm, and my eyebrows are purple. I am more and more convinced that we must ban any magic outside that necessary for daily life and classroom study, for the good of the entire building. Honestly, it might have been any number of far more disturbing things, rather than something that merely gave me a shock.

Now, I do hope you've got Bagnold under control regarding the budget, and that I needn't take further time to resolve that teensy issue. There's just so much I must still find out and do before everyone returns, you know. And I must meet with Peakes this week, to shore up any little attempts there.

I am well aware that many of you are looking forward to Hogsmeade tomorrow. However, I must underscore that your best behaviour and compliance with our teensy rules and requirements is essential. (On that note, I remind Mr Belisarius Burbage, Miss Paula Ross, Mr Minh Nguyen, Miss Ginevra Weasley, and Mr Edward Carmichael that their punishments include being barred from tomorrow's little outing.)

I have had a word with the house-elves and clarified once again what may be given out as treats for familiars, and what may not. Those attempting to cajole the house-elves into some other set of options will find themselves facing strong correction.

I have been informed of our current Minister of Magic's agreement to allow private tutors to assist select students here at school. Tutors, kindly make myself and Septima Vector (who will be coordinating details and schedules) aware of your planned schedule of visits. I am sure you understand that for reasons of both supervision and security, we must be entirely aware of when there are strangers in the castle.

I trust that this is sufficient detail for the most annoyingly persistent of you

I do wish to commend those students who have given generously of their time and energy - particularly those on the Hogwarts Junior Council. I wish more of you might emulate the example of Miss Megan Jones, who found me today to volunteer to stay behind from Hogsmeade and assist in the supervision of younger students.

I trust that the Revue tonight will be informative, pleasant, and entirely appropriate, and that all of you will behave with due attention to the diligent efforts of the cast and crew. Again, I hope I need not spell out the consequences if anyone does otherwise.

Dear students,

I am most disappointed. I remind you that while you are under my care, here in Hogwarts, that you are expected to obey the direct rules and guidelines we - the adults charged with your education and proper development - set. Beyond that, you are expected to obey the spirit and essence of our instructions.

Those who have failed in this have been encouraged to avoid the problem - or anything else of the kind, I do hope that no further corrections will become necessary.

That said, I must commend the diligent attention of the Hogwarts Junior Council members in assisting all of us to consider the impact of each and every action we take.

I have a few teensy notes on other topics - I do hope those mentioned will attend to them promptly.

Staff are hereby banned from giving students any information that is not strictly related to the subjects they are paid to teach.

In addition to the above decree, I wish to note a staffing change. We are delighted to welcome Healer Luxovius Kerr as our new Healer in Residence. As I noted at supper, he is delighted to join us, bringing his honed and polished skills to the service of the young people of Hogwarts. I'm sure we'll all make him very welcome as he settles into the Infirmary.

Hogwarts Junior Council members: I have a few teensy matters to attend to this evening, but if you have questions about your current duties, you may check at my office.

Dear students,

I am excited to announce that we will be gathering for a very pleasant little workshop this coming Sunday. This is something that has been quite some time in the planning, though we’ve done our very best, as the YPL committee, to bring it in the best possible alignment with the goals of the programme.

On Sunday, I am sure you will join me in enthusiastically welcoming a number of authors to Hogwarts. During our time together, we will be listening to them discuss the process of writing, the responsibilities in reaching out to the Protectorate through their words, and other topics related to their books. At the end, we will discuss the most exciting project, a chance for those of you who favour writing and the arts to glorify Our Lord’s goals and priorities.

So that you can reread any particular favourites, or brush up on them in advance, I wanted to let you know that we will be hearing from the following authors, who have graciously offered up their time.

1) Claudius Shore, author of Playing for Keeps: The Pastimes of the Most Powerful Wizards. A little bit frivolous, perhaps, but with some interesting history about the development of sport and amusements.

2) Julius Hornbeck, who wrote Parchment Perfect: The Art of Report Writing, a work I commend to all of you to improve the organisation of your writing and essays.

3) Quercus Edmonds, who wrote The Transfiguration of Stress, an excellent guide to navigating through those passing challenging moments in our otherwise glorious days.

4) Lena McCord, author of Elation, with all sorts of teensy amusements in Charms class. Mrs McCord remembers her own Hogwarts years very fondly - so much so she just had to set a book here - and she is delighted to be returning for a visit.

We will begin with an initial panel discussion, followed by an opportunity for groups to circulate through each writer and hear more about their process in detail. We will then gather for the exciting announcement about ways each and every one of you can demonstrate your loyalty to the Protectorate.