Anticipating our return

[alt_umbridge]

Dear children,

I am sure we are all looking forward to tomorrow, and your return to school. Now, over the holidays, I've had the opportunity to arrange just a few teensy improving things, for the good of each and every one of us at darling old Hogwarts.

First, I simply must know how each and every one of you spent your time. All students must write up an essay of at least 24 inches on the theme "How I spent my holidays". These should be submitted no later than Tuesday supper, to my office or the Hogwarts Junior Council lounge. Describe in detail who you saw, what you spoke about, what you did, and any other matters of possible interest at all. Insufficient detail will be grounds for correction. Staff, you, of course, have no length requirement, but I expect the same topics will be covered in writing and submitted to me.

Second, all students are hereby obliged to cease using any protections from their personal belongings that cannot be opened by a staff member. If you are uncertain whether a particular method is appropriate, consult Professor Vector promptly on your return to school. I have questions for quite a number of you regarding such items: an appointment slip has been placed on your bed for a teensy little chat. I must know exactly which items you have with you at school, of course.

Third, we have just a few teensy new rules. Kindly copy each rule eight times - for eight is the number of perfection, dear boys and girls - and submit a copy as above.

Rule 1: I will attend all my classes, arriving promptly on time and remaining until formally dismissed by the supervising staff member.

Rule 2: I will promptly inform Headmistress Umbridge or her duly appointed representative of any expected changes to my schedule as soon as possible.

Rule 3: I will keep a detailed and thorough accurate record of how I have spent my time each and every day. Forms for doing so are available in your common rooms, and must be submitted before breakfast each Monday morning, beginning in a week.

By knowing how we spend our time, we may become more efficient, effective, and excellent in all that we do. (Staff are expected to maintain such forms as well: copies will be delivered to your offices by house-elf)

Finally, I wish to advise all students of an additional schedule requirement: you will be receiving notes assigning you to a group for mutual analysis and evaluation. These will meet weekly, and there will be neither adjustments nor exceptions.

Supper on Saturdays will be - for those dear pureblooded children among us and staff - in full formal robes. Halfbloods, present yourself in the Great Hall at 4pm, dressed suitably for your station. Please pack your trunks appropriately: failure to appear properly dressed will have consequences.

Comments

[alt_megan]

Madam Umbridge, what would be suitable for my station? If I need to get new robes, I'll have to write to my guardian right away. Only I don't want to trouble her while she's so ill not feeling quite the thing. So if it's something I can charm my current robes to look like, that would be good to know. Or maybe I can ask a classmate. Thank you. And thank you again for letting me stay over hols. I really feel that I've learned a lot. And I hope I have made myself useful, at least a little.

[alt_umbridge]

Miss Jones, why are you not busy as I told you to be? You should know that I would tell you what you need to know in plenty of time. Didn't I give people a full day's warning here, for packing?

In the case of halfblood students, it will involve some teensy and trivial adjustments to your usual wardrobe. Pureblood students, of course, need to pack additional robes, in order to be properly dressed but such are the demands and expectations of civilised society.

As to your gratitude, well, I do hope that your example leads others, less aware of their limited opportunities, to realise just how important it is to demonstrate an appropriate attitude of service and deference to their betters.

Now, are you going to have the next round of lists for me shortly, or do I need to provide additional correction and incentive?

[alt_megan]

Yes, Madam Umbridge. I mean no, Madam Umbridge. I mean I'll have those lists for you right away.

Thank you.

[alt_harry]

Madame Umbridge;

I am wondering how I ought to dress. Suitable to one's station can mean many things, after all, and I wouldn't want to misread what you've said, because from what you've written, it seems like only pureblooded students should wear formal robes.

[alt_umbridge]

Mr Marvolo, I will naturally expect you to appear wearing dress robes, and setting an example through your attire and behaviour for other students in the best possible way.

Are you being deliberately obtuse

[alt_harry]

Thank you, Madame Umbridge.

I'll make sure to be outside the Great Hall at 4 pm precisely on Saturday.

[alt_umbridge]

Really, Mr Marvolo. Five o'clock will do perfectly nicely for you.

I hope I am sufficiently clear on this matter for you?

[alt_harry]

Thank you for providing clarification on these exceptions to your rules. I know how important it is to you that everyone follow your rules exactly as they are written.

I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good

[alt_ron]

You drive her mad when you do that, y'know? It's brilliant.

Good show.

[alt_sirius]

Why stop there? Why not require everyone to sign in and out of each classroom, common room, reading room, dormitory and bathroom in the castle?

Is this really the kind of instruction in independence, responsibility and self-control that Hogwarts tries to inculcate in its students?

And what, exactly, is the purpose behind telling your staff to adhere to similar strictures on their time? Surely you don't mean to signal that you don't trust them. After all, haven't you spent several months culling and cultivating them in equal measure?

You're relying heavily on their commitment to the students, Madam. Perhaps far too heavily.

I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good

[alt_sally_anne]

Dear Sirius Black:

Please do not give her additional ideas.

I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good

[alt_sally_anne]

DRESS ROBES? How many of you (pureblooded) (and honorary pureblooded, in the case of Harry) lot even have dress robes that fit? I suppose if you're going to the wedding you've got them. And there's probably a stash of those robes Siz had made last year for the Yule Ball.....somewhere.

I hope school robes are 'suitable to my station.'

Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good

[alt_ron]

Uh.

Yeah, no.

I mean, I don't even have the ones that Finnickan ruined. I hope Professor Siz does still have some of those robes. I mean, I'm not going to ask Mum to get me new robes. That's just daft. And she couldn't get them made and sent in time, anywiz.

Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good

[alt_sally_anne]

She's mad, just assuming people have them and can pack them up like extra parchment. Even if you had loads of money, you might have things you needed to do today other than drop everything and run out to the shops!

I mean it's like on one hand she wants us to obey her every whim, and on the other hand she wants us to disobey accidentally so we get into trouble. You know? Even if I hadn't spent my holiday studying apparation with traitors I wouldn't be able to tell her exactly where I spent every second because I don't REMEMBER. If she'd told us before we left I could have kept a log, you know? But even if I had nothing to hide I'd STILL look like I was hiding something because I don't actually remember every minute of every day unless I make notes!

And now dress robes. Ugh.

Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good

[alt_ron]

Oh, you and Pans should tell her you spent every night painting your toenails and practising beauty charms. On Pansy's kneazle. No, say it was cats. Pretend Pansy has some and tell her long stories about how you played games with them every night of hols. You could've had tea parties with them. With catnip tea. And dressed them up in ball gowns and charmed them to stand on their back legs and dance. And you could've had a huge banquet for them and got Hitty to roast mouse and serve it with parsnip compote and pickled rampions. I hear all the nicest suppers have those now!

Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good

[alt_harry]

Hah!

Good one.

Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good

[alt_pansy]

Professor Dolohov took me aside at the wedding and said that anyone who was having trouble finding dress robes at the last minute ought to stop by his office. So there's that.

Re: I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good

[alt_pansy]

I'll put it on the galleon too.